Official Statistics:
Papa Gino's - 20:21
Official Start - 21:08
Official Finish - 23:03
Blue Oyster Bar - 23:20
Ice Creams:
ShinyShiny - Soya Pistachio (now officially known as
"Play-dough" flavour) - 3.5 out of 10
Halfeman - Ferrero - 8.3 out of 10
Boundaries:
Collins Street, Queen Street, Flinders Street, Queens Bridge Street/Yarra River, Banana Alley, William Street.
We were not the first to coin the phrase "architectural porn'', but the words did come out of my mouth as we admired many of the exquisite buildings that resided in tonight's precinct. This also got us onto the term "flâneur porn" for sights, sounds and experiences that were more broad than architectural. This did however get me thinking. Why on earth did our language start to add the term ''-porn" to anything and everything? Climate-porn, eco-porn, architectural porn. They all seem so far removed from the meaning of pornography, from which porn is a contraction. There are academic works on this very topic - see Martin Walch on Nature-Porn and Thomas Lowe on Climate-Porn. If porne means "whore" from the original Greek derivation, "architectural porn" would literally mean "architectural whores". Not quite what we had in mind, but it does go to show how significantly the meaning of porne has changed. Walch refers to porn not so much as "whore" but as objectification, exploitation and fantasy. Nature-porn is where nature imagery is used to exploit nature, not "nature whores". Lowe's work refers to climate-porn not so much as exploitation of nature, but as something the climate-change believers might get off on; apocalyptic imagery intended to mobilise the gluttonous and apathetic masses, but really just fodder for the hardcore climate-change minority. Again, not quite what we had in mind, but it again goes to show how strange our language is, and is increasingly becoming. No wonder people who are new to English struggle with it.
For the record, we were awestruck by the aesthetics of these buildings and the "-porn" tag just seemed to be appropriate. Check these out and you might agree.
* In yet another Wolfgang Sievers picture, here is the Australian Mutual Provident Society Building - 419-425 Collins St.
* Goode House.
* The Melbourne Port Authority Building.
* Old Customs House, now the Melbourne Immigration Museum.
These are just snapshots - there were many more. Here is a little bit up close.
Anyone feeling anything?
As a bit of a contrast, we also explored what is now the AXA Building. It was at one time the National Mutual Building. This shitty building looks like it is ready for refurbishment or demolition. The only things of note within the National Mutual Plaza were the statues of Batman and Fawkner:
Here is what someone said about these sculptures:
The memorial to John Batman and John Pascoe Fawkner in the plaza at 447 Collins St, also commissioned by the Council and installed in 1979 (only a year before Vault), is much more intimate and approachable. In bronze, the two figures are life-size, realistic in style, and elevated only slightly, each on a small base. Fawkner crouches examining something on the ground with a stick, and Batman stands examining a map. With a deliberate artistic realism, they are shown as if captured in a photograph in the normal course of their activities, rather than posed for a portrait. Both are shown in simple workingman’s clothes and boots, sleeves rolled up, Batman with a hat, in a way that the viewer is supposed to recognise as characteristically Australian. In comparison to the heroic representation of Burke and Wills as explorers conquering the landscape, Fawkner is represented as an inquisitive mind, sensitive to detail, perhaps paying attention to the particular ecology of Australia. Batman is modest, honest, the strong-silent type.
It's worth exploring what makes Batman and Fawkner remarkable. It is somewhat disappointing that Melbourne ended up being named after some English politician punce. For a time there were calls to name it "Batmania". There was also a time, when cultural misunderstandings led to some people thinking the indigenous name for the area was "Bearbrass". A reasonably good summary of Melbourne's white settlement can be found here and here. Fawkner and Batman did not get along, even after death. Fawkner has been quoted as saying that he'd give Batman "some trouble" if Batman's ghost tried to make its presence known. I wonder how they'd feel if they knew that they'd been immortalized, side-by-side in sculpture, outside some shitty 1960's building?
Other Points of Interest:
We found the width of Market Street very confusing. Most streets off the main grid are narrow, but Market Street is unique in that it is as wide as the streets of the main grid and bisects the William Street/Queen Street block. Our rigid adherence to the M86 protocol was maintained, but we had to think about it.
Speaking of the M86 Protocol; when we navigated the paths and roads that twist and turn under the Queens Bridge viaduct and over Queens Bridge, we put our lives on the line to make our way up and down each thoroughfare, what with oncoming cars and all that. God help us when we get to King Street.
At one point, we walked past a Fletcher Jones store. Formerly an Australian fashion icon, now but a cheap Chinese import imitation of its former self.
Off The Hip Records - one of the many little gems that can be found in the most unexpected of places.
We also came across this Russian Consulate plaque:
This led to a brief discussion about the difference between Philosophy and Philology.
We went past the Railfan shop, filled with train maps and tram maps - just the shop for all the trainspotters. Here is a pic of a poster from the shop showing Victoria's train network, circa not 2008.
It is amazing to think that our public transport system was once this sophisticated. Who knows? Maybe when Peak Oil really does hit, the old train lines, now converted to bike paths, will revert back to their former use.
In general, this is a nice part of town. The Halfeman Review gives it 4 and a half stars.
Now onto some of our conversation:
* Admiring symmetry in the work place.
* Was Chinese food better when you were a kid? Is it because they used more MSG when we were young? This begs the question of whether you can ask for extra MSG when you order your Chinese food these days. I might try it next time.
* Walking into Anya's room at 4a.m. with a sleep apnoea mask and eye-mask on - trauma the result.
* The joke-cracking priest with the classic "Invisible Man" joke, that has the punch line, "I don't know, but my arse is sore". In a recent conversation, he quoted the Old Testament phrase " A man without a beard is like a woman with a beard".
* We discussed the complexity of our indigenous peoples. Given the Afghan influence with camel trains across central Australia (which has since led to our feral camel problems), they also made their presence felt in other ways. We have people identifying as Aboriginal and Muslim, and of mixed Afghan-indigenous heritage. Given our global mobility, we have Muslim Aboriginals with strong English accents and Italian Aboriginals with Irish accents. This is not the kind of complexity Andrew Bolt is comfortable with; he thinks they are all the same. In his right-wing worldview, one tradition rules for all indigenous peoples and any other tradition espoused is either ridiculous or recently imagined, rather than traditional.
Here is some of his guff.
* The whole family thing; including how my dancing is received and whether we should go camping more often.
* Dusk to Dawn Constructions.
* The Subprime Crisis - what was/is it, and whether it was part of my earlier predictions.
* In our first entry we pondered the rights of the executed to a proper burial. Given Pentridge Prison is undergoing a suburbification, the burial plots of executed criminals have been disinterred and there are moves afoot to identify each set of remains, and possibly give them a proper burial. Deeming, Kelly, Ryan - all names that are part of Victoria and Australia's histories have been unearthed to make way for someone's "Australian Dream". Prisoners are now, less conveniently, located on the Number 19 tram route and visitors can find them somewhere closer to the middle of nowhere.
* The Hampton real estate market is still going bananas - 63 Littlewood Street Hampton just sold for over $2 million. We live in crazy times.
* It is with some regret to report, that the nearly lifelong formal association ShinyShiny has had with the Joseph family of Carr Street Brighton East (formerly Moorabbin) has been severed. With the justification of the potential for higher rents, the Josephs now live elsewhere.
* Parents can be the worst people: After witnessing a particularly repugnant father abuse and abuse and abuse a ride attendant for obeying safety regulations, ShinyShiny slipped the attendant a $10 tip in recognition of how shit it can be to put up with awful parents. While on a previous trip to Luna Park long ago, ShinyShiny told the "story" of the Ghost Train: two got on, only one got off. Katya pretty much saw a ghost after hearing this story and refused to go on, even after being told that ShinyShiny had made it up.
* My work in 2008 - I am working way-too-fucking hard.
* Hell's Kitchen ever the topic of conversation -
- The place seems to have 9 lives - it manages to evade scrutiny even after the most abhorrent of stuff ups.
- 150 on the count.
- Coburg Pentridge cases will probably take years to resolve.
- Communication with staff about the most serious yet sensitive of issues is non-existent.
* Having a holiday at home - Barcelona Plates-style. Everything is better at home, so why leave to go somewhere shittier, more expensive, less comfortable etc.?
* Spot's Adventure: After Spot managed to get locked up, getting him out of the pound proved to be a bit of a problem. Spot hadn't been registered in years, and to avoid both the registration fee and a fine, lie upon lie had to be crafted. Spot apparently lived with a fictitious mother, in a fictitious street in Burwood. Nice work ShinyShiny.
* The Hand of Glory: At first I thought this was something to do with bagpipes. Thankfully not, just more obsession with Deeming.
* ShinyShiny recalled how he spent New Year's Eve with the Mayor of Bayside and New Year's Day drinking with Ronald Ryan.
* Windsor - Andrew St - 59 (next door to # 57) was demolished. Deeming buried his wife under the hearth at 57 before fleeing to Perth. The Greek workers on the job on Easter Saturday appeared to have the same problem as Deeming - the high bedrock makes excavation difficult.
* Lastly - I've discovered Defrank: "I'm thinking so you don't have to, am part of The League of Awesomeness and may even create an 'earth sandwich'". Find out if you can make an earth sandwich from where you are, using this tool.
Shalom
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